Some (what I consider) great lines from him that (for the most part) accurately portray the crazy city I live in; Austin:
- Our new city motto is "Merge Left."
- We pride ourselves in being a political city, but on election day sometimes 91 percent of us stay at home and avoid the polls like there's a bug infestation going on over there.
- We are a laid-back community, so in 1989 many Austinites moped, cried and left poetry at the beloved 500-year-old Treaty Oak on Baylor Street after some idiot tried to murder it with a dose of herbicide. On the other hand, after leaving our poems, we'll tailgate somebody on the interstate at 89 miles an hour.
- We're an educated university town, and we brag about how the University of Texas led us into the high-tech boom. Yet, the number of people in Austin who can name the starting quarterback at UT outnumbers the folks who can name an English professor on the 40 Acres by several hundred thousand. (No one ever scalped tickets to English 101.)
- To stay fit, we jog and we bike. But we drive around in circles in our SUVs in the Whole Foods Market parking lot, fighting to get a parking spot a few feet closer to the front door.
- We consider ourselves a kind and considerate bunch. But our neighborhoods are filled with speed bumps, traffic circles and other traffic-calming devices to keep us from driving over each other's trash cans.
- Welcome to Austin. We're glad you moved here because we're sure you have something valuable to add to our community. Besides, there are still two--count 'em, two--empty parking spaces left downtown.